I may claim that November is a unwholesome month because from the 1st day we have Halloween. Hmmm… it may depend on our spirituality, beliefs and not only. Anyone can think of a sad event that occured in November. Some people ‘come out’ with crazy and creative beauty/fashion looks as it’s the trend; just for fun. For others, it’s the commemoration of all Saints and the late ones. Should I also be part of this trend? Should I light up a candle for our beloved friends, siblings and grandparents who are in another world?
If you want to know my opinion, I would rather write a blog post to express my feelings of losing a beloved one and being guilty to be abroad with no finance available for a ticket while we won’t see again. (Advice: better keep this airplane ticket 365 days in a warm and cool place) From that moment, the feelings of guilt start by slowly eating you up, every day to the point good memories and all sort of questions come to your mind. But, why am I guilty? What do I regret once I’m not responsible for her death??? Seriously, I missed out something I shouldn’t.
What wonderful to have a mamie*! Excuse my French, I meant granny.
Mimi is an affective nickname given by Geo back in my early childhood. I was a girl who needed affection, attention, and love. As an experienced mother and grandmother, she noticed that I was that cat which always needs to be cuddled, warmed up. Geo was very clever even though she received just the basic education. She never failed to read her Bible and to pray Nzambi* Fumu* for mercy and forgiveness in our dialect. Her French was so old-fashioned, sometimes funny that I thought it was a pure creation; excuse-me, not bad at all for a typical granny of Africa! She often used metaphors, proverbs to speak her mind like all grandparents do. My favourite is “Don’t work with your eyes but your heart”
She died in 2014 at the age of 75 (not really sure)
So, she was the only one on this earth calling me Mimi. She pronounced it so gently, sweetly, wonderfully to the point it gave me comfort, confidence, trust, strength. Isn’t so mimi my name?! Geo didn’t abound in money and material things people fight for on a daily basis (although she was not poor either!) but she was indeed rich in love inside and outside. She always smiled, had a positive attitude even in difficult situations. Among all the adults who surrounded me in my childhood it was her who helped me the most to develop my inner strength and self-confidence. Let me tell you my little secret: my signature is a copy of hers. Naive girl like I was, I remember like yesterday, Geo putting her signature on books she bought (she had a lot of biblical and embroidery books), letters sent to my mother etc… I found it nice and funny; then I decided to keep the same until I die. I failed once again to share this secret with her. I’m sorry.
I always knew I could rely on you, not just to cry but on very serious matters like faith in God (I’m not too pious, I confess) , our customs and traditions, typical Gabonese meals. When I look at my left index finger, I see a scar I got being a child while cutting a delicious manioc* made by you. I really enjoyed it in my childhood. Thank God I have this little scar. Geo, you were one of few people on this earth who understood me. I really miss you. I really miss my granny, Dear God! I feel so sorry, so guilty to have been far away from home when that sad day happened. Unfortunately! We lost the main root of our family tree, the main actress of our movie. We try as much as we can to accept your absence until God calls us too.
As far as I remember, you will never want me to wear black monochrome style for your funeral either a weird make up for Halloween. You would strongly disagree with me because it doesn’t attract positivity in our tradition. So, I carefully took my time to choose a style to please you and make you more than happy because you are in God’s hands.
Dedicating this blog post to you wouldn’t stop me for thinking and crying over you because you are the best granny I know, I miss you so much. This blog post would maybe keep me calm until I step at your grave with some fresh flowers.
I thank God for giving me the strength to write about you, Georgette. You will always be loved. I hope we will be out there.